That would be "Hello, Beer, Thank You" in Czech, and the extent of our knowledge of the language. We only learn the most important words.
We left Berlin on a rainy morning and
boarded the very crowded train for Prague. We didn't have
reservations so we walked the entire train looking for open seats and
found two near each other and claimed them right away. I cannot
emphasize enough how crowded this train was. While Joe had the
pleasure of sitting next to an adorable cat named Sophie, I sat
across from the living, breathing Cruella de Ville. The large Czech
woman had an enormous suitcase that was in the seat I wanted to sit
in, so she was forced to move it to the aisle, refusing to put it
with the other luggage where it belonged. Any time someone passed by
her very large and very in the way suitcase, she would huff and wipe
it off as if it had become filthy from the shirt that was forced to
brush up against it. She immediately took a disliking to me since I
was the cause of her trouble and would give me death glares anytime I
accidentally made eye contact with her. I usually enjoy the ability
to fall asleep within ten minutes of being in any moving vehicle, but
because I also tend to twitch as I fall asleep, I was terrified that
I might kick la bruja and she would take an uppercut to my jaw (she
was built like a tank). I sat for over two hours trying to be
completely still and not throw up as she pulled out two tallboys from
her suitcase and used them to chase an entire package of corned beef,
popping the slices in her mouth like potato chips. This lady was the
worst. Finally, over half the train exited at Dresden, allowing Joe
and me to move to more comfortable (aka safe and Cruella-free) seats.
On the train, we spoke with a guy named
Tomas from Mexico who had been traveling around the world alone for
18 months. He even liked a place he visited so much that at the end
of his travels, he intends to move there permanently. We walked with
him to our apartment, the Winston Churchill Residence, and showed him
where two hostels were just around the corner (globe trotting without
an iPhone!) and made plans to meet up at the same spot in a few hours
to go get beers. Joe, who has been desperate to meet friends
throughout our trip, was excited at the prospect of talking to
someone other than me for more than five minutes. We dropped our bags
and headed to the nearest grocery store to pick up some essentials
and figure out the currency. The exchange rate is roughly 25:1 on the
Euro, so we were forced to do a lot more math in Prague than either
of us anticipated or desired. The good news, however, is that Prague
is a pretty cheap city as far as food and drinks go, so as long as we
could calculate that a beer was less than €2,
we did fine. We ate the sandwiches that we had made at our breakfast
buffet in Berlin and went to meet Tomas, who never showed. I was
taking the rejection pretty hard (why would he just abandon us like
that??), so we thought it was best to go grab a beer or two at a bar
and then head to bed.
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| We're rich! |
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| Pivo kaleidoscope |
The next morning we walked to Bohemia Bagel, a place I had read about online that served brunch on the weekends. In serious brunch withdrawal, we walked to the Holesovice neighborhood and ordered a feast of pigs in a blanket and huevos rancheros and bagels, flanked by coffee and mimosas. The menu directly across from us on the wall said that coffee and mimosas were included in the brunch meal, so I naturally asked the waiter when our bill arrived and we had been charged extra for the mimosas. He incredulously told me that they were not included and asked how I thought they would be free. Umm, your menu, actually...I wasn't about to pick a fight and I was mostly just curious, figuring there was some exception or explanation. But nope. The brunch was okay but I would not recommend the place to anyone since it turned out to be not as good of a deal as their own website advertises (1.5L of mimosa also prominently featured on said website but waitstaff told me there was no such thing).
With bellies full, we made our way to
the DOX Gallery, a modern art gallery with a giant red
rotating skull on the roof. We spent a decent amount of time going
through the exhibits, which included one that had mathematical
depictions of music and a dark room with sounds that changed
depending on your orientation. Again, we were in between exhibits and
the one they were setting up looked to be spectacular. Oh well. We
headed to Old Town Square and made it just in time for the
Astronomical Clock to strike the hour, when wooden statues
lean out the windows and dance. The actual event is not impressive
unless you consider when the clock was built in 1410 (which it seems
many TripAdvisor commenters did not), making it the oldest still
working astronomical clock in the world. After listening to some
music in the square and watching a guy showcase his talent for the
World Hacky Sack Championships, we walked to the Zizkov Television
Tower where David Cerny had installed giant babies crawling on
the structure. They were originally taken down like his other
exhibits, but people enjoyed it so much that they requested the
babies stay and the sculptures were permanently returned. Armed with
only a microwave at the apartment, I successfully made dinner while
we watched our first football games of the season.
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| Astronomical Clock |
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| Those babies are risk takers |
Storming the Castle
The next morning, we stopped by the
Architecture Week tent, where a local town was being featured each
day, to watch a sword dancer and grab some free bites of food before
we elbowed our way across the Charles Bridge and over to Mala
Strana. Translated as Lesser Tower, Mala Strana is a very
historic district in Prague where both nobility and the Bohemian
lived in the Middle Ages. We took a slight detour to see the Lennon
Wall, a portion of a block that is named after and dedicated to
the great John Lennon, although it is mostly now just random graffiti
with some Lennon quotes. From there we headed to the Wallenstein
Palace, a Baroque building that houses the Czech Senate. It has a
number of courtyards, where we saw four peacocks wandering through
the gardens, and an eerie stucco decoration that featured hidden
faces. After some strolling through the courtyards, we were on our
way to the Prague Castle just up the hill. The Prague Castle
is the largest ancient castle in the world and features an abundance
of Gothic and Romanesque architecture among its five churches, four
palaces, five great halls, two towers, and another handful of
residences. The castle was home to centuries of kings and emperors
since as early as the 9th century, having been destroyed and rebuilt
various times over the years.
Our first stop in the castle was the
Picture Gallery, where a small collection of paintings resided. Then
we entered the St. Vitus Cathedral, a tall Gothic church that only
barely resembled Notre Dame even though a couple next to us thought
they might be confused between the two when they look at their
pictures. The church had detailed mosaics and jagged stained glass
windows, but the main feature was an ornate silver sculpture hanging
from behind the pulpit, draped in red velvet. From there we visited
the Old Royal Palace, where we snuck pictures when we weren't allowed
to take them. Although I have complained about people doing this
throughout the trip, the castle forced you to buy a permit to take
pictures in addition to the price of your ticket, and then charged
you for the bathroom, too. Even 7-11 lets you use the bathroom once
you buy something. We spent a lot of time in "The Story of
Prague Castle" exhibition, where the entire history is
documented with plaques and posters and relics, including a replica
of the Bohemian Crown Jewels that looks entirely fake. We walked
through the Rosenberg Palace and visited Golden Lane, a group of
houses where merchants lived and worked (including Kafka at one
point), that still houses a collection of armor and weapons available
for purchase (like a combo axe-rifle). We hadn't realized what time
it was and were ushered out of the residences when the buildings
started to close. We quickly found St. George's Basilica and had
about five minutes to look around while the choir was finishing up
rehearsal. We missed the towers due to time constraints but decided
it probably wasn't worth a trip back the next day.
After a quick stop at Starbucks for
caffeine and wifi, we trekked up to Petrin Park, a hilly area
with its own funicular and a mini Eiffel Tower. We did our best Monty
Python walks down the hill and crossed over an island, where a mini
festival and concert was taking place. We stopped to look around and
enjoy the artist's performance of "Sex Bomb" before
continuing back to Old Town for a much anticipated dinner. Joe had
discovered U Tri Ruzi, a brewery and restaurant, where we
perused the beer list and menu of authentic Czech cuisine. We shared
an appetizer of beer cheese with bread and sipped our beers while we
selected our respective competitors in the dart championships taking
place on TV, waiting anxiously for our food to arrive. I decided on
duck with cherry sauce, green beans and herb potato croquettes, which
was all delicious. The potatoes ended up being the standout but the
dish was good as separate components as well as in one bite. Joe
ordered the traditional pork knuckle, which was the size of a small
child's head and came out on a cutting board instead of a plate,
accompanied by three different sauces and a pickled vegetable salad.
Joe was eating long after I had finished but eventually conquered the
knuckle, leaving only a pile of extra fat behind. For the beers, we
had five altogether including a red ale (decent and smooth), a hop
ale (not very hoppy compared to American style ales), a dark lager
(unique and great taste), a traditional lager (easy to drink), and an
abbey ale (the best out of our sampling).
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| Pork knuckle in all its glory. Behind is my reasonably sized and still large plate of duck. |
Making the NSA Look Legit
On our final day, we started at the
Architecture Week tent again, but this time we were handed beer and
handfuls of cookies. We danced to the band that was playing and posed
for a picture taken by one of the town organizers (we may be on a
tourism brochure one day!), before once again braving the Charles
Bridge and to cross over to Mala Strana, this time en route to the
KGB Museum. The term museum is not entirely accurate as it is
run by just one Russian ex-pat who is enthusiastic about sharing his
KGB knowledge and showing you his extensive collection of Soviet
gear. While it was certainly entertaining, it was overpriced and the
highlight of the visit was taking pictures with all of the weapons.
The guide was also very particular about pictures so he would
frequently take the camera from us in order to take a better photo
and instruct us to pose certain ways. Pretty hilarious experience. It
also made us wonder where he got all the "souvenirs."
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| The real deal |
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| A natural with the axe |
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| Looking over Prague from Vysehrad |
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